Welcome 2008.
So, I recently told myself I would make some changes. I say this every year but I never meant it until now. The changes -- not only external but internal also. I found that what's hindering me is only me. I can blame it on the people around me and those who don't understand what I go through but at the end of the day, it all boils down to [b]me[/b]; I'm the only one who can hold me back.
By nature, I'm a problem - solver and a listener. I've always been the one to sit down and listen to anyone's problem and I've always had a quick answer and people love that; they take to it. With doing that, I found that I only hurt myself in the process. I love helping people; obviously so -- it's the profession I chose, but in doing what I do, I never take time out for me and that's when the internal problems arise. There are things that I kick myself for; I don't think I can truly say that with all I've accomplished in my 20 - something years that I'm happy with where I'm at. Content? Yes; but happy, I don't think I've ever felt that.
At 12 am, I made the decision to let go. I went to church as I've done since I was a child but last night, it hit me : I'm always patching over my problems instead of painting over them. Like many, I take the "patch - up" attitude rather than the "paint - over" attidue. I'd rather put little to no effort in life and patch over my problem, not realizing until later that it only makes the problem stand out and it'll keep reoccurring, showing it's face. It wasn 't until my husband tapped my leg and whispered in my ear, telling me that's what I do. Is it so evident to everyone accept me?
The answer : Yes. Sometimes we as humans can be so oblivious to our own issues but we're quick to take on the weight of other people. This is my biggest issue but I've vowed to start over and start looking deeper; staring at the woman in the mirror. Hard task, yes I know, but it'll be worth it.
Today was the first day of the best days of my life. :) It's a new year but even better, a new ME.
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